How love between siblings really works

When the younger brother breaks off a piece of his own share and gives it to the older brother who received nothing, an imbalance appears in the family system. The first child, who once had complete and unconditional love, ends up losing everything the moment the second child arrives.

Where is the joy of having a brother if it comes at a price; if it costs you your parents’ love.

Parents, absorbed by the baby’s needs, neglect their first child under the cover of motivational phrases:

“You’re a big kid now.”

“Your brother is little and he needs us.”

“You were little too, and we took care of you.”

All of it is true, but incomplete.

The first child is still his parents’ child, and his needs are exactly the same as they were before his brother was born.

The younger brother receives his parents’ love as a natural right and, like any child, asks for their full attention.

The imbalance appears when the older brother suffers because of his parents’ neglect, and the younger brother tries to bring that suffering into the light, giving his parents a lesson in love and attention.

Parents often read the gesture as love between siblings, rather than as the older brother’s lack of love, which the younger one has understood and wants to heal.

Neglect and the feeling of abandonment don’t come from younger siblings. They are not the ones responsible for feeding their older siblings emotionally. That mission and that responsibility belong to the parents, who need to be emotionally available to both children.

A parent who is emotionally present in their children’s lives will raise future adults who are emotionally available in their own lives.

Raising and educating children is not a lottery. On the contrary, it is an act of courage and responsibility that asks for constant emotional, mental and sometimes physical preparation.

What every parent should know about how the family system works

• In the family system, every member belongs, no matter what they did or didn’t do, no matter their personality, their qualities or their flaws. No one and nothing can take away their right to belong to the family they were born into. Not even they themselves could do it, if they wanted to.
• Every member has their own rightful place, and that place must be honoured with love and responsibility.
• Love within the system is balanced by the principle of Giving and Receiving. Parents offer their children the unconditional love that the children then carry into their relationships with everyone around them, including with their parents.

A family is happy only when love is allowed to flow freely through the system, and both parents and children feel accepted, included, seen and appreciated.

May it be with love and awareness!

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Book a family constellations session and bring balance, order and harmony into your personal or business relationships. You can contact me for details by email at office@alinachercea.com or on WhatsApp at 0744 323469.