Love Between Siblings. We Make the Rules.

The firstborn is the most responsible one, whether they like it or not; whether they embrace this “I must” or are pushed and forced by circumstance into playing the Boss in front of their siblings. Parents speak to them on behalf of all the children; they lean on them because, well… they're the oldest. Here, the language of love takes the shape of responsibility and of trust in their ability to think and handle life with their head more than their heart. Emotions, after all, might just get in the way – and so, more often than not, the eldest sibling is emotionally shut down, or only shows affection in moments of crisis.

The youngest is the most emotionally free – the one who is seen, validated and held with affection for the simple reason that they are the little one. They receive the attention of their older siblings: they are guided, steered, coordinated, sometimes even taken advantage of. Positive or negative, that attention is an emotional confirmation that they belong to the family. The youngest child is quietly given permission to live an authentic life, one built on their own terms. That's because they know that however hard their road gets, there is always at least one sibling to turn to and ask for help. And more often than not, the bond with the eldest is closer than with any of the others.

And then there are the middle children, the ones who only get noticed when there's work to be done. Guided by the principle – Everyone has a role in this house – middle siblings go looking for their role and their place in the family. Some long for the status of the older sibling, others for the privileges of the youngest. This constant hunger for their parents' attention and emotional validation pushes them to break the mould and take unusual, rebellious paths, outside the family's rules and norms. That's why so many middle children leave for distant places, far from the family home, with a fierce desire to build a life of their own, by their own strength… hoping that maybe, just maybe, their parents will see them too, and love them just as much as the others.

And that brings us back to rules, and to what they're for.

Rules are made to be understood and accepted with love and joy.

Rules for siblings

Rule number 1: We are all siblings and we all belong to this family.

Rule number 2: Every sibling holds a place given at birth. It is theirs by right and no one can take it from them.

Rule number 3: Every sibling gives and receives attention, care, help, support, patience, love, freedom, recognition, joy, a smile

Rule number 4: Every sibling has permission to walk their own path, at their own pace of growth and becoming,

Rule number 5: All siblings accept one another exactly as they are, and carry each other in their hearts.

Family constellations bring light into the relationships between siblings and settle love back into its natural course. If your relationship with a brother or a sister is weighing on you, I invite you to move past blame and past mistakes and do something for your own inner peace and quiet. When the soul is at peace, everyone and everything around you begins to relax too.

Listen to your soul. Book an individual family constellations session. Send me your story and let's find out together how you want it to continue.